That’s what it started out as in truth..Rupert’s father , Keith had to get some institution going to knock some sense into the thick head of his “naer-do-well” lad…and one has to say ; THERE is where it has stayed ever since. A combination finishing-school / reformatory for the more “difficult” of those private school “lesser students”..and to be fair, every young person, regardless of their dis advantages deserves every chance for that “shot at the big prize” in life..and what better opportunity then the best education money or connections could buy?..and one only has to look at the way young Rupert “turned out” to see what a grand success the institution is!..and if not one further graduate of their guided discipline is ever graduated, THAT one fine upstanding example of humanity gives ample reason and justification for its existence…surely….surely?
From the well-scrubbed dormitories of the IPA, those best behaved are released into “day-care” and are trialed in the “half-way House” of the ABC’s ; The Drum…or as a reward for extra diligence in spreading the fat of IPA philosophy ; a run on the ABC’s : “Questions and Answers with mine host : TONY JONES!” ( applause boards held high!). From these undergraduate studies they can then move on to the next position in the network. Such carefully nurtured arse-licking will get one a long way in the National Broadcaster these days!
And we have today a couple of very good examples of what “re-training” in that severe environment can achieve..We have those two shining lights of the IPA. ; MHR Tim Wilson and Senator James Patterson dropped, with the softest of landings, like two firm-stools down a “long-drop” dunny into the safety of the Senate where they can endow the Australian public with their accrued wisdom of ..what?..ten year olds?..and what a couple of little beauties we have in these lovelies! Little Timmy and Jimmy..why just the names alone said like that brings the thought of many a comedy team to mind.
Timmy Wilson..I mean..look at ‘im there..Timmy..who wouldn’t want to hug ‘im ?..what with that “come-hither”, Myra Hindley welcoming smile..and that “scrubbed-clean” shining face all aglow to rival the polished chrome bollards of an Edsell motor car bumper-bar…And almost as smart..and that’s saying something considering the competition to the Edsell..ie The Soviet “Trebbi’” and the Nissan “Cedric”!
And little Jimmy Patterson..now there’s a bit more of a challenge, and you’d have to wonder on the choice of HIM for a seat in the Senate..Perhaps the rest of the brats were out with Simon Breheny power-walking (with full packs) to the top on Mt Kosciusko on that morning..hey!..imagine how shitty little missy Downer felt on getting back and hearing the news!..but she ought know the LNP has an equal-opportunity policy for employing women…as tea-ladies..and as for those “ladies” already there on the front bench, I will want to see them sit a gender test equal to those East-German Olympic athletes before I believe them..as for the males..well, THEY would well suit an intense study into the genetic failings of cross-breeding and animal cloning by the Dep’t of Veterinary Science and Agriculture.
But Jimmy P…let’s face it..NO-ONE would really want to look like THAT deliberately!!…just to see him standing there, with his “best side”, his serious-side always to the camera, so obviously over-groomed like a very serious serial-psychopath..keen to impress..but always unable..practice, practice…he’s got time on his side..after all ,he believes like any devoted brown-shirter; “tomorrow belongs to him”. I suppose one has to concede he was picked for the position in the LNP for the same reason as a “Greasy-spoon” chef would put “fish-extender” into a dish; to “fatten-up” so as to create the appearance of substance.
But that’s exactly all it is, the IPA..; an appearance of substance..no position in reality, a non-producer..another one!..There really is no reason for them to exist..a bit like the LNP really..a anachronism from another age…a feudal age where the local “establishment” lent a guiding hand to the parish on matters concerning The Laird and his environs. Not much different than today’s LNP / Corporate State philosophy. Except there is that matter of the 100 items on The IPA “wish list”. How that list was compiled is a lesson in itself and possibly could never have been compiled without the help of several gallons of “Chateau Cardboard”..why “chateau cardboard” you ask?..because I know those bastards..I have seen them at work..they’re the basest cheapskates when it comes to paying for anything themselves.
The IPA is a joke on the people of this country..a running comedy with two-bit comedians pontificating on every subject so far outside their sphere of knowledge so as to be a parody on reality..and as far as that goes, even now I find spending any more time and words on such a wanking organisation is more than it deserves.
So fuck it and fuck those bastards too!